Morbid Fascination
by shikigami-kun
Summary: Ken has a secret. Ran is about to find out. Another discussion between them. Shounenai. Please read and REVIEW! Thanks! . :D


TITLE: Morbid Fascination  
AUTHOR: Arldetta/shikigami-kun  
WARNINGS: mild shounen-ai(but I'd still say worksafe)  
PAIRINGS: Ran/Ken (I just love this pair!)  
DISCLAIMER: (Kinda forgot this last time, oops.) I don't own Weiss. Once in my life I would like to say I own something but this isn't one of them. :(  
SUMMARY: Ken has a strange 'hobby' that Aya is about to discover. You just have to read it to understand.  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: OK, where do I begin? First off, this is an experimental piece for me because I hate, scratch that LOATHE writing in first person. I don't know why but I can't do it and I don't like doing it. But sometimes a writer is compelled to write a certain way for some reason, and my muse said I had to do it this way. Along those lines, since this is written in 1st person, I flip back and forth between Ken's and Aya's Perspective. But I've indicated that as you read. Now the other thing about this fic is that when I started writing this (about a year+ ago) I had intended this fic to be non-shounen-ai. But once I accepted m/m pairings it began to permeate my writing. Thus, this fic kinda morphs from a simple fic into Shounen. Hmm, I could keep going but I'll save it for after the fic.

I hope you enjoy! Thanks for reading!

(KPOV) Ken's Point of View  
(APOV) Aya's Point of View

Now on with the fic!

WKWKWKWKWK

(KPOV)

"Ken," a deep unemotional voice stated through the door, "You're late."

And that would be the reason the redhead stood outside my door. My absence disrupted the well oiled mechanics of running the shop. And normally it would just be a matter of oversleeping or forgetting the time. But not now.

I would love to say, 'Oh sorry, Aya. I'll be down in a minute,' in my happy-go-lucky voice, but the words wouldn't form and my throat wouldn't work. My heart is in too much pain to break free from its numbed state.

"Ken?" His sharp tone had softened. Could that be concern I hear? "You ok?" Must be my disorientation.

Yes, I didn't think there was anything in this world that could shock me enough to turn my world upside down again. And the tears. I thought I had none left to cry. The last time had been Kase and that was eight months, two weeks and three and a half days ago. They were the last that I shed. At least, I thought they were.

Of course, I've been in shock before. But that was always physical. I've been banged, beaten, shot, stabbed and just about anything else you can think of and then some. This however, in my opinion, was far worse than any I had suffered before because it was purely emotional.

I don't know how to break out of it. And to be honest, I don't think I want to. It's easier to cope with loss when you can't feel it.

And the epiphany hits! I get it. I know why you did it. Why you closed yourself off to the world. I always wondered and now I know. Would it be alright? Would you mind if I joined you?

I feel a touch on my shoulder. Instead of the startled jerk my assassin instincts should have done, it was a slow and deliberate process to turn my head. I never thought it would be so hard to tear my eyes away from the emptiness they stared off into and make them meet the violet gaze. It took even longer for my muddled mind to register the open concern in those amethyst gems.

I want to smile and alleviate that worry. But I can't. On a normal day, I probably would have rushed to clean up and hide my disturbing hobby but in my current state I just didn't care anymore. An explanation will be expected. Will I be able to give him one that makes sense?

(APOV)

He had the day off yesterday. Two nights ago we had a mission and he landed the final blow to get that day off. He should be refreshed now. And he's never been late to work after a rest day.

So now I'm trudging up to his door to find out why he is late. We have the afternoon shift together and I'm hoping that his tardiness is due to some game he's watching. But something in the pit of my stomach tells me that's not the case. I reach his door and knock. No answer. That's not entirely out of the ordinary, so I try again. Still nothing.

My irritation is growing rapidly. Alright, time for phase two. I say sharply, "Ken, you're late." That usually jolts him back to reality. I know the others perceive me as a hard ass, and because of that snap to my attention when I'm sharp and to the point. I wait for the expected fumbling and apologies. Only this time they don't come. Something tells me again, not all is right in the world, but I have no idea what could be wrong.

Pressing my ear to the door, I listen intently for any signs of movement. Is that… a sniffle? Is he crying? This is definitely something I wasn't expecting. "Ken? You ok?" I think I hear something, why won't he answer? That's it, I can't take it anymore. Grabbing the knob, I open the door and step inside his apartment.

The scene I face is strange to say the least and uncharacteristic of the vibrant soccer player. The room is dark. No music or tv is on to drown out the outside world. But he's not sleeping either. He's sitting between his couch and the little coffee table staring off into nothing. It doesn't even look like he heard me come in. That's not good. That means he's vulnerable to attack, and for an assassin that leads to death.

Softly, I close the door behind me and step over to him. I notice today's paper spread out on the table. I recognize it because I gave it to him after I finished this morning at breakfast. There's also what looks like a photo album turned scrap book sitting open to a new page. I wonder what it's for, but push it to the back of my mind for now. I have other pressing concerns at the moment.

I'm standing right next to him and he still hasn't noticed my invasion. I wonder what's preoccupying him so. I give him another minute to see if he finally notices but he doesn't. Now, I'm really worried. I slowly reached down and touch his shoulder hoping that physical contact will snap him back. You can imagine my dread when he barely manages to turn his head and look at me. "Ken, what is it? What' wrong?"

(KPOV)

"Aya……?" What do I say? Where do I begin? How do I dispel the open concern I see in those eyes? Then my thoughts drift off in a different direction. When did Aya start showing concern? And could it really be for me? He's anxious, I can see it, but he is a master at patience. He will wait until I'm ready to talk, but I don't know if I'll ever be ready. Perhaps it would be easier if I just showed him.

Carefully, almost reverently I pick up the flimsy paper in front of me and hand him the page I had been looking at. His baffled expression would have been comical if it weren't for the fact I was not in the mood for humour. It's rare to catch our impeccable leader off guard. I would have flaunted it to the others but I just didn't care any more. Now, it'll only be a matter of moments before he figures it out.

(APOV)

Why is he giving me this? I already read the paper this morning. He knows that. What's in here that I hadn't already seen and could make him this upset? Conceding to his silence, if this was how he was going to let me know what was wrong, I had better take this seriously.

Looking down, I see the one section that I actually skip over purposefully. At the top of the page I see a small article detailing the place and time of where the funeral will be held for the man he killed two days ago. Was that it? Was that what upset him? Why should it? We've dealt out death for so long, him longer than I, so why would seeing the obituary bother him so? I just didn't understand. "Ken?" But he doesn't respond. Instead his eyes lower and I notice he's looking further down the page.

Following his gaze, my eyes catch a familiar name. _Hidaka._ Perhaps he knows this person, a relative maybe? I decide to read the little blurb. _'Kenji and Hiroko Hidaka, cherished parents, entered eternal life after another vehicle moving at high speed collided with their car two nights ago. They were pronounced dead while being transported to the nearest hospital for treatment. _

_They were both involved with the community and their constant presence will be missed. They had a love for soccer and coached both the boys and girls little leagues. They had also instilled this fondness in their youngest son, Ken Hidaka of J-league fame before the scandal that abruptly ended his career, only to lose him shortly after due to bizarre circumstances. They are survived by their second child and only daughter, Midori Hidaka._

_Services will be held tonight……"_ By now I had stopped reading, those details immaterial to the shock I felt. I found the source of the brunette's turmoil. Glancing back up, I can see the silent tears that traced the younger man's cheeks. My heart constricted at the sight. "Ken, I…." What could I say? "I'm sorry. I had no idea. I'm sorry." The words sounded feeble in my ears and could only imagine how they sounded to Ken.

(KPOV)

I couldn't breath. The pain in my chest just too great. And when Aya finally looked up at me with such sympathy in his eyes, it took all my strength to not crumble right then and there. But it was all for nothing. The walls that I had constructed around me suddenly cracked and fell into dust the instant I heard the pity in the other man's voice. A sob tore from my throat.

I was both surprised and delighted as Aya quickly stooped and gathered my trembling form in strong arms. Wrapping me in a net of profound gentleness, devout security and – love? I wasn't expecting that emotion to trickle into the equation but I didn't dismiss it either. I clutched at that most of all as the anguished cries of grief gained force. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I felt foolish for being so weak. For showing the person I had always imagined as the embodiment of strength and control that I was feeble and was now weeping like a child in that person's arms.

I wanted to disengage myself from the comforting embrace and prove to us both that I could be strong too. That I wouldn't let the trials of life break me so easily. Because in our line of work, death was as prevalent as air. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't. In fact, my struggles only sent me further into despair.

And during all this, Aya simply held me close, offering quiet comfort. My pillar. My hands clutch at the man's shirt tightly as if it were a lifeline. And in many ways, it probably was. I could feel my sanity slipping from my grasp. I needed an anchor. And I cry out to the only one I believe can help me. "Why can't I be like you, Aya?" Gathering an ember of courage, I push off the redhead to lock gazes with amethyst gems. I beg, "Aya, help me."

(APOV)

A shiver runs up my spine. He sounds so lost and so broken. Could this truly be the man who had somehow worked his way into my heart despite how I pushed him – all of them - away? The visage before me looked like the claw-wielding assassin but in image only. Instead the vibrant, endearing young man that was full of passion had been stripped away to become this wretched beast with hollow eyes and aching soul. My heart echoed the abundance of pain in the brunette. I couldn't take seeing him like this. I wanted back that boy who could take the hardships life threw at him and still come out on top.

And what did he say? He wanted to be like me? I don't understand. In what way? "Of course I'll help you, Ken, but I…. like me?" I hoped he would get what I wanted to ask. He must have for he answered so quickly.

"You are so lucky. You have nothing to turn back to, all you have to do is go forward. And your sister. You can see her any time you want. I know it's tough because she's not awake but I'm sure she will wake up someday. I wish, I wish I could see Midi-chan again. But I'm dead to them, how am I supposed to comfort her? How am I supposed to share her grief and tell her she's not alone when I'm forbidden to see them again? I always thought that someday, when I'm finished with Weiß, I could go back to them. It was my last hope, my last dream. But they're gone now. I have nothing left. How am I supposed to go on?" The sobs that had stilled only moments ago came back in full force. I reached out for him and pulled him back to me. I needed a moment to think. He had given me more information than I could handle at the moment.

I knew when Kritiker took us on, they made it so that we were dead to the world. Omi had no past, until we learned about Ouka. But when she died, all he had was Weiß. Yoji never mentioned anyone from his past except Asuka. And they all knew where I came from. But Ken, he never talked about his past aside from Kase and the J-league. I never imagined his family was still alive and close by no less. It must have been torture knowing that he could pass by one of his family members and know that he couldn't even say hi. So close and yet so far. It would have torn me apart.

I asked him once a long time ago why he liked soccer so much. I remember his blush, it was one of the things I first fell in love with. All he said was that it reminded him of happier times. Followed by that far off look in his eyes, as if he were back in those times. I envied him then. Do I still? He must have been happy as a child. I wish I could have seen what he was like. I know the others would be surprised to know that I was very different before the accident. In a way, I was a lot like Omi and Ken back then. Just another carefree youth.

But fate had chosen a different path for us. A darker more treacherous journey. And was it fair? No. But what say do we have? We just have to accept and move on.

We sat like that, holding each other for some time. I couldn't tell you exactly how long. I stared out at nothing while I rubbed small circles in his back. After a while, he seemed to relax a little. My gaze fell back on the open paper and scrap book. Before I could stop myself the question that formed broke the silence. "What made you look?"

(KPOV)

So, it had finally come? The question I so hoped to avoid had finally been voiced. Thus my dilemma. Was I embarrassed? Did I fear his judgment so much that I wished the subject dropped? Was I simply afraid he wouldn't understand? I don't know. What I did know was that when Aya asked a question he would not stop until he got an answer. Perhaps I could follow my previous strategy as a start. Reluctantly, I stretch to grab the book opened on the table next to the paper. The action takes me out of his warm hold and back into the chill that surrounds us. For a moment, I hold it in my arms. It encompassed the past three years of my life. And this would be the first time I'm sharing it with anyone.

Sighing, I hand the book over and wait.

(APOV)

What is this? I ask him with my eyes. He answers equally voiceless, just look. And I do. Taking the old photo album, I open it to the first page. In the middle of the page, I find an old newspaper cutout strikingly similar to the one I just read. However, it was dated just over three years ago. Glancing it over, a gasp of shock escapes me. This was Ken Hidaka's obituary. This was the public declaration the he no longer existed to those he loved. My eyes darted up to look at him. His face oddly blank. I didn't like it. "Ken…?"

"Go on, Aya," he instructed in a voice that could barely be called a whisper. I heeded the command regardless. On the back of the first page another lone obituary was carefully placed. It was dated few months after the first. The following pages were crammed full of similar articles. Every once and a while, a page would only contain one or two. I figured there was a significance but I could only guess the reason now. However, my suspicions were confirmed mostly when I stopped on a page closer to the back.

Kase. So these solitary columns meant they impacted Ken in a deep way. I started recognizing names shortly before Kase. They were all the names of the people we were charged to kill. Dark Beasts that we rid the world of. I saw the paper out of the corner of my eye and everything started to click. He had looked at this page to add our latest kill to the long list. And in doing so, he stumbled upon the death of his parents. And the only thing I managed to say when I realized this was, "Why?"

(KPOV)

I stared at my hands. I do that sometimes, expecting to see all the blood I have spilled on them. But they are oddly clean. You could probably thank the gloves for that. It's funny. I have often asked myself why such a gruesome weapon. It's entirely unsuitable for my character really. I feel to a fault. Every death at my hands chips away at my very soul. I was not cut out for this life, but I have nothing else. So I kill. I kill so that I may live. If you can call this living. Hell on Earth.

Anyway, when Kritiker first tried to train me, they did try other weapons first. However, it was soon discovered that my skills did not lend me toward conventional weapons. I was liable to lob off my own head with a sword. The wire required too much finesse. I'll leave that to Yoji. And darts and arrows just didn't work. I was a goalie. My legs were my strong point. The second was my reflexes. I had been playing so long that to be cumbered down with something in my hands left me vulnerable. Often times during training, the weapons I had I would quickly discard in favour of my hands because of my soccer instinct.

So they decided to customize a weapon for me that left me with the use of my hands but something more than just skin or armour. And so came to be my claws. I guess they aren't that out of character for me. Claws for a kitten.

My thoughts were interrupted when I no longer heard pages turning. For one tense moment, I held my breath waiting for his reaction. I expected the question, but not how calmly it was said. He posed the simple query as if there was nothing wrong with this morbid fascination. Simply curious as to why. And that is what made me let out a sardonic laugh. I answered automatically at first. "I don't know." But I knew that wouldn't suffice. Not for him. Or me. I guess it was time to really figure it all out.

"I guess I realized that, after the first death – mine – there would be no record of my life. Only in death I exist. In my own death and in those I have slain. When I killed for the first time, it seemed so surreal. I needed to know that it wasn't a dream. So I checked the papers until I found it. I can still see his face. I can still hear his screams. I even went to the funeral. The validation of what I had done made everything real. For a while, I needed that. I needed to know that the nightmare I lived wasn't only in my head. I was slowly able to accept this hell, but it never made it less surreal.

"But when I had to face Kase again, everything changed. I finally came to grips with what I was. A death dealer. I hand death out like candy. And yet I still have the gall to pretend I live. I'm just grasping at fairytales. I bring death, and therefore I must keep it. And this is my testament to the crimes I commit for the good of humanity. A humanity of which I am no longer a part. We are all guilty, but we were once all innocent too. They must not be forgotten. So this is my penance to them."

I sigh. Did I make any sense at all? "I don't expect you to understand, because to tell you the truth I don't either. I just know this is something I must do. For them. For me. Judge me however you want, just don't expect me to change or stop this. I won't. I need this." And now that I have shared this dark secret, I am both relieved and downtrodden. I guess it's true, sharing the burden makes it easier to bear. I hope he doesn't mind.

(APOV)

Judge him? He expects _me_ to _judge him?_ What right do I have to do so? None, I tell you. And I don't want that right. It's true, we're both jaded. All of us in Weiß are jaded. And the beasts we kill are corrupt. And though we may take their lives, that doesn't mean there were not people who loved them. Still love them.

So is he wrong to do this? No. Can I honestly say that this is the right thing to do? No, I can't. But I do know we all handle the conflict in our lives differently. Yoji drinks, smokes and meanders with his female acquaintances. Omi has his computers and school. I have my sister. And I had always assumed that Ken had his love of soccer. But now I think that is really his last attempt to hold on to the past he can never return to. No, this is how he truly deals with the darker side of the life we lead. I think I envy him.

To the world, there is the façade of the clumsy jock. How those two words come together to describe someone as adept as him, can only be used for our Ken. When he is in his element, he is strong, sure and unwavering. But everywhere else, his awkwardness is endearing. But what is on the surface is only the tip of the iceberg. It is what we choose to show others of ourselves. My god, to discover the hidden treasure that is Ken, I can only dream myself so lucky. Yet here before me, is not the jock of which we know, but the real Ken. At least one part. And I crave to know more.

He has more depth than anyone imagined. His thoughts, his consideration reflects a soul that has seen too much in a short lifetime. I have always admired the boy-next-door image he has portrayed all these years. I wish I had that kind of strength. I admire the innocence he retains, mostly because I lost mine and haven't been able to get it back. And now I admire his ability to keep these façades when there is so much pain inside. Yes, he's always been passionate, allowing his emotions to guide him through.

And what courage. To press on every day and flawlessly act as if everything was just perfect. He has always thought of others first and I don't recall him ever demanding anything for himself. Well, except for time, when the mission with Kase came up. But that was all understandable. I wish I had that kind of stamina.

But now, all I see is the pain in his eyes. He's like a glass statue in threat of shattering into a thousand broken shards. And I'm afraid that those pieces would slice into my heart causing far more damage than I'd ever care to admit. I don't want to lose that selfless boy who was so full of passion and light. I need light in my darkness. I don't want him to end up like me. Emotionless, empty.

It hits me then. What he said only minutes ago. _'Why can't I be like you, Aya?'_ NO! Panic quickly took hold of me. I couldn't allow that to happen, no matter the cost. I couldn't let him become my mirror. I don't want to look into eyes that see nothing. Eyes that reveal nothing. Eyes that feel nothing. I don't want to see myself because then I would have to hate the both of us. And I couldn't live knowing that I had a hand in destroying this beautiful young man before me.

Oh how I wished that I could open up to him and tell him everything in my heart, but somehow I feel now is not the time. He needs something else. He needs support not my own undisclosed insecurities that will confuse him even more than he already is. I need to tell him that it's ok to feel hurt. It's ok to be weak sometimes. But how? Words – spoken words have never been my forte. I'm blunt, sharp and to the point. To use such unfeeling words now would only drive him further into my abyss. No, he needs to know that I accept this. That I accept him – all of him.

My eyes light upon the page again and I'm moving before I can fully comprehend what I'm doing. I notice that he is watching my every move carefully. His mouth opens slightly in astonishment as I pick up the scissors. I just hope he understands my actions.

(KPOV)

I don't believe it. I sat waiting and waiting while he thought over everything I just said, waiting for his reprimand or admonishment, but it didn't come. Instead, he's cutting out the article for the man I killed the other night. He carefully finds enough space on the page before to include it and adds it to the rest. Turning back to the empty page, he looks over at me. He has the paper in one hand and the scissors in the other and offers them to me. "Aya…?"

"I'm not going to judge you, Ken. I don't have the right to. And this may not be my way, but if this is what you need to go on, I won't stop you." He offers the objects again, but I remain still. Sighing, he puts them down then turns clear amethyst eyes back up at me. They are piercing and I can feel myself pinned by them. "Ken, listen to me. I'm not very good at this but please just listen to me. _Don't_ follow my path. Don't shut yourself off from the world. It only eats you away slowly from the inside. Believe me, you don't want this empty existence. I know. I know how enticing it is right now. To hide away, run away from the pain, but the truth is, once you start you can't stop running.

"I'm tired of running, Ken. I'm tired of the hole in my heart. I've pretended that the world stood still while Aya slept for too long I don't know how to get it moving again. Don't let this happen to you. I couldn't bare it. I never wanted to accept it before because I was afraid to face my pain, but knowing that I may lose you to the same darkness that took me would be far worse an existence. The others need you. _I_ need _you._ Don't let me lose the light in my life. Not when I've only just discovered what it is. Don't, please." His hands took hold of my shoulders early on thankfully. And for the first time as I gazed into those beautiful violet depths I see a mix of emotion that overwhelms me.

I feel the tears form anew as my brow wrinkles and I bite my lip lightly. I no longer have control of my voice, and for once I'm glad. I fear words would only spoil this fantasy. Dare I dream? Everything seems so distorted in an ocean of tears. Mother, Father, I never wanted to disappoint you. I only wanted to make you proud. And my ignorance blinded me to the monster Kase was. I have paid the price for my failure and so have you. I wanted to find out the truth and clear my name. Then I could go home and we could pretend that this was all some kind of nightmare.

But now, that will never happen. Now you will never know the truth. Yet in the wake of my disgrace, fate must have felt some pity for me to give me these friends. To bring this man in particular to my life. He may not say much but when he does they are what you need to hear. I can't help myself. I flump forward and press my forehead into his chest. I can't stop the sobs this time, nor did I wish to. Unlike my previous outcry, I feel no shame in my actions. I let the deluge of sorrow flow through me in an odd sort of cleansing wash.

(APOV)

Fresh puddles formed in heart filled chocolate depths. Deep rooted sorrow was laced with an inkling of gratitude. My message must have gotten through thankfully. And how I manage to restrain myself as he nibbles his lower lip, I'll never know. But as I said before, now was not the time for such thoughts.

But such distractions are harder to let go of as he presses up against me. Especially now, when I've finally realized what he means to me. I do need him, more than I ever realized before. Despite the trembling of his body, I can't help but savour the feel of his warmth. Or the reassurance of his heart beating next to mine. Why is fate so cruel as to put us through these trials? As I hold him, he melts into me and soon I feel as if we are already one. I don't want to let go.

I don't know how long we sat there before his tears began to taper off. Slowly, he pulled himself away from me. Yet neither of us seemed to want to let go. Our eyes lock, his raw with the emotions he shared. I can only hope mine express some of my own sorrow and support for him. Maybe even a hint of the love.

(KPOV)

I never thought that I would be in this position. I never thought that I would find myself leaning into Aya, as he tries to comfort me. Not when he has always personified cold, harsh reality. To see him so open and inviting, is oddly welcome. This change in him is amazing. I can only hope that this isn't a one time thing. Because, I never thought I would feel as if I've finally found my way home again. I'm so afraid that I'm dreaming. That somehow the line between reality and nightmare has disappeared and that somehow this was all some cruel joke. So I sit and wait. I let the tears flow until no more can come. I've exhausted what was left.

Mother, Father, I can only hope that you found it in your hearts to forgive me before the end. You gave me everything. I have done my best to follow in your footsteps despite the life I lead now. And I know that one day I hoped to find someone that I cared for that you would love as much as I do. I know once you had told me that I would find someone. And that it might happen when you least expect it. Could that time be now? Because this embrace that I find myself in right now, is definitely more than I ever expected. Or deserved.

I know for a while now that my gaze has wondered in his direction more and more. When we first met, there was something about him that drew me into his mystique. It made me want to demystify him. On missions, I worry for him and do everything I can to protect him. Was there more to it than friendship I wonder?

I take in a deep breath and all I can smell is him. A gentle touch of flowers clings to all of us from the shop. Even still I could distinguish his, if asked. Could I do the same for Yoji or Omi? Perhaps, but not as readily. I guess I've always felt something for him, it's only now that I've finally figured out what it was. I press myself further into his arms. I've been wanting to come home for so long. I'm here now. And I never want to leave.

But this is just a farce. I can't expect him to feel the same. I don't want to lose him. And I don't want to lose what I have gained thus far. I can live with his friendship if that is all I can get. It's not fair of me to ask anything more. I should stop this now. If I stay where I am I'll never move again.

I do what I must to retain this new understanding we have. I push myself up and sit back. His hands rest on my shoulders and mine on his waist. I can't let go. And I don't want to. I look up and freeze. Those sparkling amethyst depths are flooded with something I only dared dream. Love. And all I want is to dive in and drown in it.

(BOTH)

I don't know exactly how it happened. But suddenly I am aware of soft lips pressed against mine. And I'm responding, responding with everything I have. My head's spinning. My heart's racing. Could this really be happening?

"Ken-kun? Ayan? Is everything all right?" Omi's concerned voice is heard through the door suddenly. He must have come up, wondering where we were.

We break apart, lightly gasping for breath. The fact that we have been interrupted only proves that this is indeed real. Our gazes still locked, one of us manages to find their voice.

"We're here Omi. But you and Youji will have to cover for us this afternoon. I'll work a double shift for each of you this weekend. Ken and I need to take care of something important tonight. We'll talk more later."

"Alright, Aya. But Youji's still not going to be happy about working all day. Of course, it would probably do him good considering he does it to us all the time. I'll check back with you after we close the shop. Take care of what ever you need to." And light footsteps could be heard heading down the hall.

(KPOV)

Now that we're alone again, I can feel all the heat pouring from my face. I never expected this even though I wanted it. But I still feel so foolish. I don't know who started it. And a part of me still worries that he didn't want it. Doing my best to gather myself back into some semblance of dignity, I clear my throat. "Thank you. I don't think I could face the hordes today."

"It's ok." He offers me a brief rare smile and I relax immediately. His hands come up to cup my face and I feel his thumbs gently wipe my cheeks. "Why don't you finish up here and relax for a while?" He glances at the table. I follow it back to where the paper and scissors wait. Nodding, I move complete my task. I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for his understanding. As I pick up the scissors he adds, "Then you can get ready to go after that."

Perplexed, I glance at him sidelong. "Go?"

"Don't worry, I'll drive."

"Drive where?"

"To the funeral home," he said somberly. And I suddenly realize what he's referring to.

Frantically, I try to tell him it's not possible. "Aya, we – I can't. Kritiker said…"

"I don't really care what they say. You have a right to say goodbye."

"But…"

"Look, I'll do whatever it is you want. But if you don't go, you'll regret it for the rest of your life. If you don't want to go all the way in or talk to your sister right now, then I won't force you. But I think it would be a mistake."

I sat there stunned. He did it again. He knew what I needed and gave it to me before even I could figure it out. That's why I love him. And the words slip out before I can stop them. Panic grips me as I wait for his response. I know the kiss should have alleviated all my worries but somewhere inside I fear it was still an impulse reaction.

I should have known better. Because he smiles and says, "I love you too."

Was it fair that fate should strip me of my parents only to grant me my love? I don't know. But sometimes you find it's best not to ask the question and just accept it for what it is. I smile back and nod. "I'll go rest, if you stay with me for a while."

"I wasn't about to leave."

And he doesn't. He waits patiently for me to cut the article and place it carefully in my personal 'Book of the Dead.' When I'm finished I stand and look at him. Without another word, we go to my room and I lie down. He lays down beside me and I realize that I'm not alone any more. And neither is he. A phoenix is reborn. Out of the ashes, a new life begins. Ours.

WKWKWKWKWK

Well, that's it. As I said before, thanks for reading. And if you can spare a moment, please let me know what you think.

Now, that you read this, I wanted to share a few more things with you. Primarily, the title of the fic. I actually had two that I debated over for a long time. 'Morbid Fascination' and 'After the First Death.' I only ended up going with the former because I wanted to write another ficlet that the latter would be better suited for. I think that both fit this well. Hmmm, I think I mention this because in some ways I'm still debating on which would be the better title. If you have any thoughts please share. Thanks.

Lastly, I know the characters are a little OOC. This is one of my introspective pieces, hence I made them a little more in that vein than True to Char. Also, I like my Ken with more intelligence than the norm. I find it odd that a crime fighting organization, namely Kritiker, would go out of their way to help a 'Dumb Jock' if he couldn't help them in some way. If Ken was really that stupid, they could have easily found someone better to fill the gap. Weiss seems to do a lot of research and such. And it seems as if they must use their brains to complete the missions. So he's got to be more than meer muscle. Well, that's just my opinion.

Anyway, thank you once again for sticking with me! I appreciate all your feedback!

Ja ne, minna-san!  
Ari :D


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